I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was pretty enjoyable to write - I haven't had a stab at really explaining this before.
However I am the padawan-est of padawans at putting this into practice, and there is a lot more to know about it all than I have put down here. May I suggest that you read and listen a bit more before trying it out? I found it incredibly helpful to hop around ljs and comms and listen to the conversations people were having about this to really get my head round it, before I ever spoke a word about it.
You have kindly shared some of your experiences with me. I don't feel it is my place to make any arguments based on that, because it is you who knows what you've experienced.
Ah, but I will try to say *something* constructive! I think that we are exposed to a lot of influences other than our parents, however cool they may be. I think that if nothing else, we may realise that the way we were raised is different and indeed possibly downright unacceptable to mainstream society, and we may learn some lessons about what happens when we step out of line. I think that when we experience prejudice, we often internalise it as normal and no big deal, without realising that that is a whole extra lump of coal we have to choke down that the privileged group* in that situation doesn't have to. I think that while people are more or less wounded by prejudice, sometimes presenting that we are not affected by it can be either to prevent others getting any satisfaction out of our distress, a way of encouraging ourselves to carry on, or or a way of appeasing our attackers, and others, by saying 'look! I'm not making a big deal out of this! I'm a good [one of the marginalised group]'
So...I'm not saying any of those things applies to you, but I'm just sort of floating them as being relevant to the points you made.
*just to reiterate, that's the group, not a particular individual.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2009-06-16 10:27 am (UTC)However I am the padawan-est of padawans at putting this into practice, and there is a lot more to know about it all than I have put down here. May I suggest that you read and listen a bit more before trying it out? I found it incredibly helpful to hop around ljs and comms and listen to the conversations people were having about this to really get my head round it, before I ever spoke a word about it.
You have kindly shared some of your experiences with me. I don't feel it is my place to make any arguments based on that, because it is you who knows what you've experienced.
Ah, but I will try to say *something* constructive! I think that we are exposed to a lot of influences other than our parents, however cool they may be. I think that if nothing else, we may realise that the way we were raised is different and indeed possibly downright unacceptable to mainstream society, and we may learn some lessons about what happens when we step out of line. I think that when we experience prejudice, we often internalise it as normal and no big deal, without realising that that is a whole extra lump of coal we have to choke down that the privileged group* in that situation doesn't have to. I think that while people are more or less wounded by prejudice, sometimes presenting that we are not affected by it can be either to prevent others getting any satisfaction out of our distress, a way of encouraging ourselves to carry on, or or a way of appeasing our attackers, and others, by saying 'look! I'm not making a big deal out of this! I'm a good [one of the marginalised group]'
So...I'm not saying any of those things applies to you, but I'm just sort of floating them as being relevant to the points you made.
*just to reiterate, that's the group, not a particular individual.